Navigation
SaturdaisyDaisyHosting
Blog and Updates
Not as expected.
I've had some time to think lately. Somehow. Between everything. And well, that's always dangerous, isn't it?
I realized something. You know like, years and years ago when high school seemed like such an important, amazing, faraway heavenly place? I kindof started to remember those times.
Highschoolers looked so big, so tall, so grownup. They seemed to live a great life, they seemed to know everything to me. To have it all sorted out. So beautiful. So... free. From the movies I watched, high school seemed so awesome and cool. I always figured I would know what to do in high school.
Well, obviously, real life isn't like that. I don't feel very different from a few years ago. Well, in a way I am. But... I thought I'd be more confident. Feel older, wiser. I mean, I'm sixteen. Eight years ago that seemed such a magical special age. But really? It's only being a year older than fifteen and a year younger than seventeen.
Though sometimes I'm pretty sure it's just me.
-I don't really go to parties. Or go out at night. (Well except a festival every now and then but thats kindof rare) Which is strange compared to the... stereotype teenager. And um everyone else in school. I thought the urge to go to parties would come naturally. It didn't.
-I don't seem to be able to fall in love. I thought that'd come naturally too, but I seem to be the only one who doesn't seem to crush on anyone at all. Also, the last one of... practically everyone I know. Weird.
-I thought I'd be more confident in things I do. I thought I'd have a certain control over my life. Well, I don't. I just seem to go with it. So far, so good. Though maybe I should try to boost my confidence levels a little.
-I thought things would... get more complicated and I'd know all these special things. But um, things still seem simple to me. And I don't really feel like I know anything special. But maybe I'm not supposed to.
-And, strangely enough, my life isn't like in the movies (um no reallly? can you feel the sarcasm?). I'm just as old as lots of main characters are portrayed but my life doesn't even resemble those lives at all. Though frankly, most movies I watched were American and um you're allowed to drive at sixteen there in lots of places. Or atleast there's a bus system that doesn't have buses that come once EVERY FREAKING HOUR so getting somewhere on time is hard. Really. hard.
So yeah. Just a silly comparison, is all. Then again, I think most of this is just me. Most of the people in my school seem to KNOW about everything they're supposed to do socially, seem to know what they're supposed to do in their free time.
Then again, I don't really like people my age much. Such fake smiles. Such fake kindness. So... rude. Though part of me can't help but believe it's all real happiness and wants to be part of it, too.
But I can't be like that. When meeting new people, I feel uncomfortable. That's just the way it is. I can't just start a random conversation with them. What in the world am I supposed to talk to? How come society just expects you to KNOW all those unspoken rules for talking/behaving around other people?
Geez. Confusing much? Stopped caring. Caring is too tiring. Yay for weirdness!
This post has gotten so random. Meh.
Posted on 29 Sep 2009 by Daisy , 7 Comment(s)
|
Trust
Is complicated. It truly is. Is there really someone whom you can tell everything? I'm not sure. Then again,in my case there isn't much to tell. You know, being entirely loveless and everything. Also, the only one? But everyone pretty much knows that already.
However, it's pretty clear of me none of my friends are able to tell me that much. Maybe it's because I don't... act deep enough? Well it's easier to pretend to be all happy and cheery and non-caring. Rather than... Going too deep into things. When people just give a hint of feeling the sligthtes deep feeling...
Well I don't think it would be appropriate to say that I went through all that about three years ago? The whole 'what-is-this-all-for-thing'
And um recently : boyfriend/love less forever? / feeling like a total asocial idiot. But then again that isn't too recent. It was worse. Err. Three-four years ago. Man four years ago sucked. So. Badly. ; ;.
Still. Is it that strange that someone would trust me? Am I really that shallow? Everyone has a best friend. A closest friend. Except for me. But I don't blab. I never blabbed. Never about someone who said they liked someone. Or well anything confidential for that matter.
... Maybe I should act more serious. But then everyone would be serious. Maybe I should stop 'acting'. ... Maybe I can't.
Posted on 25 Sep 2009 by Daisy , 2 Comment(s)
|
What defines me.
So. After two weeks of school, I am entirely sick of it. Ok so maybe it isn't that bad, but frankly it is not making me happy. Boo.
I could start a whole rant about it all and even though it definitely deserves one, I'm not going to.
Though I am going to list my fourteen subjects. Because I want to. In No Particular Order:
Maths
Dutch
French
English
Physics
Physics Project (Learning how to do pyhsics experiments with a computer)
Chemistry
Geography
Biology
Health (well actually this is Biology too. Just with another teacher. I'm just calling it health since basically we're learning about... health)
History
German
Art History
Religion
Physical Education.
Okay so that is fifteen subjects. Though I think you can count physics project and physics as one...? I have it with different people though xO
--------
On a different note (not really) working on an essay. That is supposed to be about "what defines me". And then the teacher is going to make copies and distribute it to the entire class. Oh joy. I'll get to read everyone elses essays (which are all on the same topic) too but still.
This. Sucks.
What the hell defines me?
--------
On a VERY different note : I went to a fair friday evening . And I loved it :3. Attractions are fuuun. Even though I didn't go on the wildest one.
I also won a snake =D
-------
So back to : Wtf defines me?!
Posted on 13 Sep 2009 by Daisy , 28 Comment(s)
|
<< Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 Next >>
|